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  • Allan Shedlin

How To Make A Lifelong Daddying Connection In Less Time Than An Uber Ride

By Allan Shedlin

Grampsy and Founder, DADvocacy Consulting Group

Creator: humonia | Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

My Uber driver, Mohammed, flipped down the sun visor of his Ford Focus so he could show me the photo of his three-year-old daughter. Above the protective mask, he was wearing I could see his eyes smile as he stated, "She means everything to me!"


My ride with Mohammed was only slightly longer than 5 miles – not more than 15 minutes in duration. In that brief time, he told me of his interest in urban agriculture before he asked me what I did for a living. Not shy about talking about my work with fathers to help them become the dads they want to be, he was mainly silent, politely listening to me ramble.


But when he did get a word in, his questions conveyed a sense that he was intrigued. I could see he was becoming “tenderized” as I spoke briefly about my experiences with dads in penitentiaries, Native American pueblos, military veterans groups, Head Start Centers, organizations, including the World Bank and others, as well as the nearly 200 one-on-one, in-depth daddying interviews I've conducted with fathers and grandfathers from 20 different countries. I shared my hypothesis that "daddying is the great equalizer."

And then his reaction was like most of the others I’ve worked and/or spoken with during the past quarter-century – somewhat like giving him "permission" to indulge himself in sharing his loving feelings.

Like so many other men, he seemed initially surprised by my candor in talking about men’s feelings about being dads. And then his reaction was like most of the others I’ve worked and/or spoken with during the past quarter-century – somewhat like giving him "permission" to indulge himself in sharing his loving feelings. It was as if a finger had been removed from an emotional dike within him, and he wanted to continue sharing his feelings. Unfortunately, time would not allow it.


As I exited his car, he said, "Here is my phone number – please call me if you ever need somebody to volunteer with your programs."


As I took the few steps to my destination I realized, as I had so many times before, that there was something sacred about the time we had spent together. It was time that allowed him to be in touch with his profound loving feelings and share them with another person. It was time to open his heart and to be vulnerable.


What a gift for both of us.



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