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Writer's pictureAllan Shedlin

Our Daddying Thoughts Post-Election

Updated: Nov 22

By Scott Beller, Editor, Daddying blog

and Allan Shedlin, Founder, Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F)


Facing the post-election world through misty eyes this morning was disheartening for so many reasons. The prospects of what may and what will definitely happen to wives and daughters, immigrants (documented and undocumented), people of color, members of the LGBTQ+ community, and many other families across this country (and around the globe) kept me awake past 4 a.m. Too heavy for this dad of two teenage girls to fully process yet.


IMAGE: The Fatal Lozenge, An Alphabet by Edward Gorey, 1960

What I do know is that I must quickly muster the strength to contend with that developing reality. First, I must do it for my kids. Then I must continue to stand up for the millions of people who do not have the "luxury" and privilege to simply worry about what's coming next, like I do as a white male relatively insulated in a "blue" state. They will bear the brunt of the immediate impacts of the old-new administration's regressive policies. So, I must use what voice and resources I have to continue advocating for their human rights and trying to somehow ease their burden.


Today, I start with my own family and this blog.


Although I struggled earlier today, searching for the right tone and words to share with my kids once they got home from school, I felt like they needed to hear something from their dad ASAP. I'm grateful a longtime parent friend in my neighborhood shared sentiments from our previous President after the 2016 election. Barack Obama's words seemed like a good framework around which to gird my own message.


Here's the text I sent to my daughters this morning:


After last night's [election] failure, all I can think to do is give you girls hugs and my enduring promise to do my best to love, listen to, and protect you through whatever may come. And maybe this mssg from former President Obama to his daughters the 1st time love lost to hate in 2016 will help you (like it has me) moving forward:


“Societies and cultures are really complicated. . . This is not mathematics; this is biology and chemistry. These are living organisms, and it’s messy. And your job as a citizen and as a decent human being is to constantly affirm and lift up and fight for treating people with kindness and respect and understanding. And you should anticipate that at any given moment there’s going to be flare-ups of bigotry that you may have to confront, or may be inside you and you have to vanquish. And it doesn’t stop. . . You don’t get into a fetal position about it. You don’t start worrying about apocalypse. You say, O.K., where are the places where I can push to keep it moving forward.”


I love you, girls. If you're feeling anxious about this change or ANYTHING else in the coming days, I'm here for you both. -Dad


Rather than take on the whole world of negative implications raised by an election gone sideways, I will choose to simplify and manage what I can. To keep things moving forward.


Soon, my "place where I can push" will progress into the local community. While I've been consistent in making charitable donations to a number of local and national organizations over the years, it's time for me to get back to doing hands-on volunteer work. I would encourage everyone who is able to considering doing the same. Our families and neighbors need us engaged now more than ever.


Now, if you'll excuse me, I still need to go hug my kids. Daddy on.


Scott


* * * *


The Morning After and All Those Thereafter

The first thing I did this morning after hearing the election results was to fill my watering can and head out my front door to water my begonias and my marigolds whose flowers, despite being a bit late in their blooming season, were gloriously resplendent.


And then my neighbor emerged outside his front door with a large balloon fluttering behind him in the light morning breeze. The balloon was emblazoned, “It’s a Boy!”


PHOTO: Begonias in bloom, Shedlin

Whatever our feelings about the election results, life goes on; the flowers will continue to bloom and the hope associated with new births abides. No matter who leads our country, it matters more – much more – how we each lead our lives and treat each other.


At this moment, it may be of value to remind ourselves of the top-five qualities children and youth said they want in their dads. These were shared with me as I listened during hundreds of hours in 28 focus groups with kids 5 to 21 years old in three countries:


  1. Be there!

  2. Take us as seriously as we take ourselves.

  3. Be a passionate advocate for us.

  4. Show us you love us and be affectionate.

  5. Provide us with security and protection.



And before I head out for a walk in the natural beauty of the changing season, I share this:


From "The Little Prince," by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Just as the sun set last night, it will again tonight and it will rise again tomorrow as it always does. And may each of us recommit ourselves to kindness toward each other – we need it now more than ever.


Allan


PHOTO: Maryland sunset, Shedlin


 


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Scott Beller is the proud, imperfect crew dad of two mighty girl rowers, imperfect husband of a rock-star mom/regatta chaperone, truth teller, former soccer coach, part-time driving instructor, photobomber, purveyor of banned books, Editor of the Daddying blog, and Director of Communications for DCG and D3F. He's a seasoned writer and PR agency veteran with more than 30 years of experience helping organizations of all sizes reach audiences and tell their stories. Prior to launching his own creative communications consultancy in 2003, he led PR teams with some of the world’s most respected agencies, including Fleishman-Hillard and The Weber Group. As a consultant, he’s helped launch two other parenting advocacy nonprofits with DCG founder Allan Shedlin. His first book, Beggars or Angels, was a ghostwritten memoir for the nonprofit Devotion to Children's founder Rosemary Tran Lauer. He was formerly known as "Imperfect Dad" and Head Writer for the Raising Nerd blog, which supported parents in inspiring the next generation of scientists, engineers, and creative problem solvers. He earned his BA in Communications from VA Tech.


Allan Shedlin has devoted his life's work to improving the odds for children and families. He has three daughters, five grandchildren, as well as numerous "bonus" sons, daughters, and grandchildren. Trained as an educator, Allan has alternated between classroom service, school leadership, parenting coaching, policy development, and advising at the local, state, and national levels. After eight years as an elementary school principal, Allan founded and headed the National Elementary School Center for 10 years. In the 1980s, he began writing about education and parenting for major news outlets and education trade publications, as well as appearing on radio and TV. In 2008, he was honored as a "Living Treasure" by Mothering Magazine and founded REEL Fathers in Santa Fe, NM, where he now serves as president emeritus. In 2017, he founded the DADvocacy Consulting Group. In 2018, he launched the DADDY Wishes Fund and Daddy Appleseed Fund. In 2019, he co-created and began co-facilitating the Armor Down/Daddy Up! and Mommy Up! programs. He has conducted daddying workshops in such diverse settings as Native American pueblos, veterans groups, nursery schools, penitentiaries, Head Start centers, corporate boardrooms, and various elementary schools, signifying the widespread interest in men in becoming the best possible dad. In 2022, Allan founded and co-directed the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F) to enable students, dads, and other indie filmmakers to use film as a vehicle to communicate the importance of fathers or father figures in each others' lives. Allan earned his elementary and high school diplomas from NYC’s Ethical Culture Schools, BA at Colgate University, MA, at Columbia University’s Teachers College, and an ABD at Fordham University. But he considers his D-A-D and GRAND D-A-D the most important “degrees” of all.

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