Do Our Kids Really Want or Need a d-AI-ddy?
- Allan Shedlin
- 1 day ago
- 5 min read
By Allan Shedlin
Grampsy and Founder, Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F)
Way back in 2023, the Daddying Film Festival featured what was then a rather novel film, D.A.D. from James Sims, about a workaholic father, who comes home to discover his twin daughters have built a digital android doppelgänger that they lovingly call "D.A.D." While the kids have a blast playing with their incredible robot creation, it soon becomes obvious it provides no substitute for the emotional bonds they share with their real Dad.
Here we are two years later, and the advance of AI technology has begun to feel like a tsunami. Beyond the undeniable environmental and energy grid impacts AI presents, I fear we are missing some other early warning signals that may allow us to at least take emotional cover and construct bulwarks that prepare us before so much that makes us human is swept away.
In this current deluge of AI products and apps, we have all but lost sight that the “A” means “artificial.” It's not real. So, when Tilly Norwood, an AI actress is created, and it triggers competition among talent agents to represent her, perhaps we all ought to be concerned. Is Tilly the “canary in the (AI) coal mine”?
During this hyper attention and quasi-AI obsession, is it only a matter of time before an AI daddy, a dAIddy™, will be created, and is that a good idea? There are so many questions that demand our attention and examination before we rush down that rabbit hole.
In 1994, shortly after coining the term daddying, to distinguish a lifelong process from the one-time, biological act of fathering, I spent almost a decade conducting focus groups with 162 children and youth and began in-depth interviews with 205 fathers and grandfathers from 20 countries. The youth ranged in age from 5 to 21 years old. The fathers and grandfathers were 16 to 104 years old. They represented a wide mix of socioeconomics, ethnicities, and religions.
One basic question I asked in each session was, "If you could create the most excellent Dad you could imagine or be, what would be the most important qualities?" Among the 17 qualities that were most often cited, there were five that were mentioned almost every time. If we were to create an artificial daddy, an imagined dAIddy™, those qualities might form the core of the algorithm used.
The first and most often desired quality wished for by children was for their Dads to be there – physically, mentally, and emotionally. Kids want their Dads to be fully present. This quality was cited in every single interview. The other four qualities most desired by kids were:
Take us as seriously as we take ourselves
Be a passionate advocate for us
Show us you love us and be affectionate; and
Provide us with security and protection.
Although AI is constantly evolving, it is difficult to imagine dAIddy currently doing a sufficient job with any of these. That said, there are some other important aspects to consider before thinking about creating a dAIddy. One is recognizing that daddying does not take place in a vacuum. It takes place within a social context, and it is an interactive, reciprocal process.
As a father and grandfather, I have been fortunate to experience the pinnacle of daddying and granddaddying – when nurturing my children and grandchildren has been nourishing to me as well. So, if an artificial daddy is created, it would deprive a biological father or stepdad and/or father figure of experiencing the joys of daddying.
The first and most often desired quality wished for by children was for their Dads to BE THERE – physically, mentally, and emotionally.
All the above notwithstanding, there are many questions worth considering before someone tries to create the first dAIddy:
If we were to create a ChatDAD™, might the act of inputting keywords to search encourage the inquiring father or child to actually think more carefully about what qualities are important?
Like in the film D.A.D., if a father was threatened by the possibility of being replaced by a dAIddy, would that be the best way to get him to step up his daddying game? Are there other less-drastic options to achieve that desired goal?
If a child only has a dAIddy, might they be considered "illegitimate"?
Should a dAIddy’s name be on the birth certificate?
Might a dAIddy be developed that could provide physical affection?
Can a dAIddy learn to behave in "heart-like" ways as well as "brain-like" ways?
What are the less-obvious legal ramifications? Could custody be granted to a dAIddy? Who would be assigned to advocate for a dAIddy? And, perhaps, the most unsettling of all...
Would a dAIddy be better than no Dad at all?
Before we consider these questions, and just to be safe overall, maybe humanity should practice dAIddy birth control. And just maybe, we should remember the iconic warning Dr. Ian Malcolm gave tech billionaire John Hammond in Jurassic Park:
"Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should."
Daddy on.
Daddying Film Festival & FORUM 2026
The 5th annual Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F) welcomes film and video submissions, including TikToks and Instagram reels, from students (3rd-graders through undergrads), Dads/Granddads, dad figures, and indie filmmakers worldwide! FIFTY-SEVEN countries and counting! Submit your videos/films on D3F's FilmFreeway page through Monday, December 29, and help us celebrate the importance of positively involved Dads/dad figures!
Our D3F 2026 Official Selection announcements continue – YOUR film/video could be next!
WE'RE GIVING AWAY GREAT BOOKS FROm
Giveaway is LIVE through Monday, December 22nd
Allan Shedlin has devoted his life's work to improving the odds for children and families. He has three daughters, five grandchildren, and numerous "bonus" sons, daughters, and grandchildren. Trained as an educator, Allan has alternated between classroom service, school leadership, parenting coaching, policy development, and advising at the local, state, and national levels. After eight years as an elementary school principal, Allan founded and headed the National Elementary School Center. He has written about education and parenting for major news outlets and trade publications, as well as appearing on radio and TV. In 2008, he was the first male honored as a "Living Treasure" by Mothering Magazine and founded REEL Fathers. In 2010, he advised the Obama White House on Dad engagement and fatherhood policy. In 2017, he founded the DADvocacy Consulting Group. In 2018, he launched the DADDY Wishes Fund and Daddy Appleseed Fund. In 2019, he co-created and co-facilitated the Armor Down/Daddy Up! and Mommy Up! programs for veterans and their children. He has conducted daddying workshops with Native American pueblos, veterans’ groups, penitentiaries, Head Start centers, corporate boardrooms, and elementary schools. In 2022, Allan founded and directed the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F). In 2024, he was named to Who’s Who. In 2025, Allan was honored with an "Official Citation" from the Maryland State General Assembly "In Recognition for All You Do for Dads, Granddads, and Kids of All Ages." He also was named 2025 “Father of the Year” by the Fathers & Families Coalition of America. Allan earned his elementary and high school diplomas from NYC’s Ethical Culture Schools, BA at Colgate University, MA at Columbia University’s Teachers College, and an ABD at Fordham University. He considers his D-A-D and GRAND D-A-D the most important “degrees” of all.
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