The Pinnacle of Daddying
- Allan Shedlin
- Nov 12
- 4 min read
Updated: Nov 14
By Allan Shedlin
Grampsy and Founder, Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F)
It's a blustery Veterans' Day as I write this week's post. It's the kind of day that one feels more like wrapping oneself in a warm blanket rather than facing the howling winds. The weather seems fitting for the holiday to honor those whose sense of duty calls them to service. The day that truly begins "the holiday season" for me. It's a season that always feels contemplative, providing many opportunities for reflection.
As I think about my six decades of daddying and almost three decades of granddaddying, I realize that I reached the pinnacle of daddying and granddaddying long ago – when nurturing my children and grandchildren was nourishing to me.
I coined the term "daddying" in 1994 to describe the place where fatherhood and nurturing converge. I wanted to make a distinction between the one-time act of fathering and the lifelong process of daddying.
Daddying requires active involvement and a lifelong commitment to a child’s physical, emotional, social, intellectual, creative, and moral/spiritual well-being. Daddying roles may also be played by other significant men in kids’ lives, including but not limited to Granddads, uncles, older brothers, teachers, coaches, and mentors.
When a colleague recently asked me if, after 31 years in the "fatherhood field," I felt like I've made a contribution, it encouraged me to pause to think about that for the first time.
When I first entered the field, I was fully aware of the budding research documenting
that all measures of well-being improved for children when fathers were positively
involved in their lives. I was not aware of any research that documented the impact on
Dads when they are positively involved in their children's lives. Of course, I was well
aware of the joy and gratification I derived from being involved in my children’s and
grandchildren's lives – as well as the many rewards I felt during my years working with
children as an educator, described by a pre-kindergarten student during my eight years
as a principal, as "the daddy of the school."
In the qualitative research I've conducted with 205 fathers and grandfathers from 20
countries, I ask 33 questions in the interview protocol I've developed. The only question
that has received a 100 percent "yes" response is, "Has becoming a Dad enriched you?"
During these holidays and beyond, perhaps the best gift you can give yourself – as a
Dad, Granddad, Mom, Grandmom, or as someone who plays a parenting role – is to
savor those warm, self-nourishing feelings you feel when you nurture your, or
somebody else's children.
It may even beat the warmth you feel wrapped in a blanket when you're buffeted by the
ill winds many of us feel during these times when the earth seems out of whack and
wobbles unsteadily on its axis.
Happy holidays and Daddy-on!
Daddying Film Festival & FORUM 2026
Fifty-Seven countries and counting! The 5th annual Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F) welcomes film and video submissions, including TikToks and Instagram reels, from students (3rd-graders through undergrads), Dads/Granddads, dad figures, and indie filmmakers worldwide! Submit videos/films on D3F's FilmFreeway page through Monday, December 8. Our next discount Raven deadline is THIS Friday, November 14th! Send us your daddying films/videos and help us celebrate the importance of involved Dads/dad figures!
We're rolling out D3F 2026 Official Selection announcements – YOUR film/video could be next!
Allan Shedlin has devoted his life's work to improving the odds for children and families. He has three daughters, five grandchildren, and numerous "bonus" sons, daughters, and grandchildren. Trained as an educator, Allan has alternated between classroom service, school leadership, parenting coaching, policy development, and advising at the local, state, and national levels. After eight years as an elementary school principal, Allan founded and headed the National Elementary School Center. He has written about education and parenting for major news outlets and trade publications, as well as appearing on radio and TV. In 2008, he was the first male honored as a "Living Treasure" by Mothering Magazine and founded REEL Fathers. In 2010, he advised the Obama White House on Dad engagement and fatherhood policy. In 2017, he founded the DADvocacy Consulting Group. In 2018, he launched the DADDY Wishes Fund and Daddy Appleseed Fund. In 2019, he co-created and co-facilitated the Armor Down/Daddy Up! and Mommy Up! programs for veterans and their children. He has conducted daddying workshops with Native American pueblos, veterans’ groups, penitentiaries, Head Start centers, corporate boardrooms, and elementary schools. In 2022, Allan founded and directed the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F). In 2024, he was named to Who’s Who. In 2025, Allan was honored with an "Official Citation" from the Maryland State General Assembly "In Recognition for All You Do for Dads, Granddads, and Kids of All Ages." He also was named 2025 “Father of the Year” by the Fathers & Families Coalition of America. Allan earned his elementary and high school diplomas from NYC’s Ethical Culture Schools, BA at Colgate University, MA at Columbia University’s Teachers College, and an ABD at Fordham University. He considers his D-A-D and GRAND D-A-D the most important “degrees” of all.
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