At School Our Kids Are Now Forced to Learn the Difference Between Spooky and Truly Scary
- Allan Shedlin
- 4 hours ago
- 8 min read
By Allan Shedlin, Founder, Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F)
& Scott Beller, Editor, the Daddying blog
"Monsters come in all shapes and sizes, Some of them are things people are scared of. Some of them are things that look like things people used to be scared of a long time ago. Sometimes monsters are things people should be scared of, but they aren't."
– Excerpt from The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman
It's been another "spooky" season of reveling in make-believe monsters and horror flicks, dressing up our homes and ourselves in costume, and exchanging good-spirited tricks and treats with the kids. But this year, in particular, those usual Halloween frights are nothing compared to the real-life scares our kids have had to endure in school and on campus. Places, as Allan notes in his 2022 commentary below, meant to be safe havens for children learn and grow.
Not long ago, the threat of gun violence at schools seemed to be as bad as it could get. With age, you learn that things can always get worse. You just hope nobody steps up to prove it. Unfortunately, some bad actors have been elevated to the highest positions of federal power. Proof seems to arrive hourly.
In addition to active shooters, students now must fear:
U.S. military sent into U.S. communities not to support natural disaster relief efforts but to support the mostly-unidentified masked men, who are violently abducting parents at school pickup/drop off
A sharp increase in food insecurity
Gutting of school budgets and staff supporting their special needs
Threats to their very right to exist (LGBTQ)
Loss of mental health resources during myriad crises; and
Book bans and other unconstitutional means to suppress their free speech.
The going was tough for kids and families through the COVID pandemic lockdown. It's only gotten tougher in 2025 now that many of the same people who mismanaged that pandemic are back. The current wave of destruction has affected people of all backgrounds, more quickly, and in more ways than most voters – parents and non-parents, alike – thought would ever be possible in a country that touted itself as "the land of the free."
But "we the people" still have a voice, we still have the numbers, and we still have hope. And for our children's sakes, we will not rest.
Another Election Day is right around the corner. If you live in a state or city or county where the polls will be open this Tuesday, November 4th, and you haven't already, I encourage you to go vote. And when you do, please vote as partisan parents in your kids' – and your neighbors' kids' best interests. There is another important election next year and the year after that and the year after that... So, please, check your voting status and stay engaged. Because even if you've been fortunate enough to not have any of these issues impact your family yet, sooner or later, one likely will.
Like the exploding costs of healthcare.
Meanwhile, you might consider helping out a neighbor that has been affected by one, some, or all of these scary "monster" events by donating what you can to or volunteering with the following relief organizations (or others in your local area) if and when you are able:
Feeding America: Donate to The Dad Briefs food drive for children and families losing SNAP benefits starting TOMORROW, Nov 1st. You can also donate to your local food pantry.
World Central Kitchen: On-site relief for families affected by manmade and climate change-driven disasters.
Immigrant Defense Project: Supporting rights of immigrants with resources and legal defense.
National Disability Rights Network: Nation’s largest providers of legal advocacy services for people with disabilities.
Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America: Battling gun violence everywhere
Greta Thunberg Foundation: Supporting sustainability from a holistic perspective, promoting ecological, climatic and social sustainability.
Climate Kids: Organizers of community-based collaborative projects empowering the next generation of environmental stewards. Provides youth education on climate change through science activities, storytelling, and art.
PEN America: Defending the freedom to write and read in America. Opposing book bans everywhere.
Additional resources for those at risk and/or in need:
FindHelp.org: Find free or reduced-cost resources in YOUR area, like food, housing, financial assistance, health care, and more.
Postpartum Support International's Guide for those affected by federal govt shutdown
Women's Refugee Commission: How you can help migrant children
MenCare: Engaging men as fathers and caregivers to advance gender equality
50 Great Websites for Parents of Children with Special Needs
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One last thing before we get to Allan's blog post: ahead of our 6th Annual Books to Read With Your Kids Holiday Gift Guide coming in November, here's a book I'm currently reading and personally recommend to all voters, concerned or tentative:
They Thought They Were Free: The Germans, 1933-45 by Milton Mayer
The book was written in the 1950s as a warning and way of helping understand how horrific things like the Holocaust could happen, little by little, right under the noses of an entire country's population. It sheds more than a little light on how similar horrors certainly can happen here.
Many would argue (including this blog's editor) that these things are already happening daily to families and individuals in a broad diversity of communities and classrooms across this country. Nobody is truly insulated. We all must speak up and do what we can, whenever we can, or things will only get scarier, and not just for "other people" in "other communities."
May your families be safe, healthy, and adequately fed. Give out the "big" candy tonight, let kids be kids (even those teen trick-or-treaters!), and Daddy on.
* * *
The following post was published on the blog back in October 2022. We're sharing it again today, because, sadly, things are not getting better for anyone, particularly our kids:
Our Kids' Halloween Frights Should Not Last A Lifetime
Caitlyne Gonzales’s Halloween frights come every day.
Caitlyne is 10 years old. Her nightmares come in the daytime – sometimes multiple times per day – and they often come when she is at school. Caitlyne was in fourth grade last May attending Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas, when a teenage gunman entered her school, unchallenged, and massacred 19 children and two teachers.
Sometimes, I think her school should have been named “Robbed Elementary School“ because every single student in attendance was robbed of whatever innocence they may have brought to school with them that day. None of those children will ever be quite the same, nor will their parents, nor will their teachers. And frankly, nor will any school child, parent, or school employee.
In many ways, Caitlyne is every school child.
As a former teacher and elementary school principal during the past century – a time that, in hindsight, seems like a totally different era – I well remember a new student visiting our school prior to his first school day. His father had been recently shot to death. The boy was five years old and he bluntly asked me if we allowed guns in our school. I responded, “We don’t allow guns here. This is a very safe place.”
Alas, if a principal today was asked the same question, that principal could not offer the same reassurance.
During my tenure as the executive director of the National Elementary School Center, we created a program in which the school became a locus of child advocacy. It was challenged by some as providing services beyond a school’s primary educational mission. In defense of the concept I often quoted a first grader who summed things up perfectly by volunteering, “It’s hard to learn when you’re hungry.”
READ FULL POST: "Our Kids Halloween Frights Should Not Last A Lifetime"
Daddying Film Festival & FORUM 2026
Fifty-Six countries and counting! The 5th annual Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F) welcomes film and video submissions, including TikToks and Instagram reels, from students (3rd-graders through undergrads), Dads/Granddads, Dad figures, and indie filmmakers worldwide! Submit videos/films on D3F's FilmFreeway page through Monday, December 8. Our next discount Raven deadline is Friday, November 14th! Send us your daddying films/videos and help us celebrate the importance of involved Dads/dad figures!
We're rolling out D3F 2026 Official Selection announcements – YOUR film/video could be next!
Allan Shedlin has devoted his life's work to improving the odds for children and families. He has three daughters, five grandchildren, and numerous "bonus" sons, daughters, and grandchildren. Trained as an educator, Allan has alternated between classroom service, school leadership, parenting coaching, policy development, and advising at the local, state, and national levels. After eight years as an elementary school principal, Allan founded and headed the National Elementary School Center. He has written about education and parenting for major news outlets and trade publications, as well as appearing on radio and TV. In 2008, he was the first male honored as a "Living Treasure" by Mothering Magazine and founded REEL Fathers. In 2010, he advised the Obama White House on fathering policy. In 2017, he founded the DADvocacy Consulting Group. In 2018, he launched the DADDY Wishes Fund and Daddy Appleseed Fund. In 2019, he co-created and began co-facilitating the Armor Down/Daddy Up! and Mommy Up! programs for veterans and their children. He has conducted daddying workshops with Native American pueblos, veterans’ groups, penitentiaries, Head Start centers, corporate boardrooms, and elementary schools. In 2022, Allan founded and directed the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F). In 2024, he was named to Who’s Who. In 2025, Allan was honored with an "Official Citation" from the Maryland State General Assembly "In Recognition for All You Do for Dads, Granddads, and Kids of All Ages." He also was named 2025 “Father of the Year” by the Fathers & Families Coalition of America. Allan earned his elementary and high school diplomas from NYC’s Ethical Culture Schools, BA at Colgate University, MA at Columbia University’s Teachers College, and an ABD at Fordham University. He considers his D-A-D and GRAND D-A-D the most important “degrees” of all.
Scott Beller is the proud, imperfect crew Dad of two teen, mighty girls, imperfect partner of their rock-star mom/regatta chaperone, a truth teller, purveyor of banned books, former youth soccer and basketball championship coach, retired part-time driving instructor, late-night filmgoer, Editor of the Daddying blog, and Director of Communications for DCG and the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F). He's a seasoned writer and PR agency veteran with more than 35 years of experience helping organizations of all sizes and individuals reach audiences and tell their stories. Prior to launching his own creative communications consultancy in 2003, he led PR teams with some of the world’s most respected agencies, including The Weber Group and Fleishman-Hillard. As a consultant, he’s helped launch two other parenting advocacy nonprofits with DCG founder Allan Shedlin, REEL Fathers and Dads Unlimited. His first book, Beggars or Angels, was a ghostwritten memoir for the nonprofit Devotion to Children's founder Rosemary Tran Lauer. He is formerly known as "Imperfect Dad" and Head Writer/Editor for the Raising Nerd blog, which supports parents in inspiring the next generation of scientists, engineers, and creative problem solvers. He earned his BA in Communications from VA Tech so many years ago. You can follow him and his frequently salty language on Instagram and BlueSky.
