When the Going Gets Tough, The Tough Daddy On
- Allan Shedlin
- 1 day ago
- 6 min read
By D3F Founder Allan Shedlin
(intro by Daddying Editor Scott Beller)
An American President, a convicted felon, orders American cities invaded by American troops under false pretense. People of color, regardless of their citizenship status, targeted, abducted, abused without cause or due process. Institutions of higher education, scientific/medical research, public health, environmental protections attacked and decimated. Attempts to ban books and LGBTQ+ people but not assault weapons. Economic sanctions (aka tariffs) on historically allied nations but not war aggressors. The most vulnerable, innocent children and families, continue to be displaced, starved of food and freedoms, ultimately to be wiped out at the whims of authoritarian regimes.
To digest all these things happening here in our country and around the world at once can be overwhelming. But, for our kids and ourselves, we can't let them overwhelm us. We must dig in and stand together, raising our voices and our fists, when necessary. We must do this for the sake of our families and neighbors. For the "tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free."
For the least among us, we will always speak out. Like we do with our own children and families, we show up, we show compassion, and we offer material support when and where possible.
Our compassion (and, usually, this blog) is apolitical, but we also recognize that to protect the best interests of every family, not just our own, we need to be vocal and active today. Voting in every election cycle, local and national, is essential. And like the late civil rights activist and Congressman John Lewis, we will make "good trouble" when anyone's rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are trampled.
In a "trumpestuous" world, as Allan calls it, we continue to Daddy on because we must.
– Scott Beller
* * *
The following blog post first appeared on the Daddying blog on February 26, 2025. Just six months ago, although it feels like a lifetime:
Daddying/Parenting During Trumpestuous Times
EDITOR’S NOTE: Before reading this blog, please remove whatever political lenses you are apt to be wearing during these hyper-political times. Beware/be aware such lenses prevent or blind us to the fundamental issue that, for five years and counting, has been the focus of this blog. As noted in previous blogs we believe that all issues concerning children and youth must, by definition, be considered supra-political.
There can be little disagreement that we are living during a period when most of us are feeling buffeted by ill winds. A world in which our hearts and souls are being battered, and our empathic instincts are being tested, often to their saturation point.
Many of us feel as if we have been sucked into a vortex by forces beyond our control. Many people I speak with seem to feel chain-sawed, suffering from fear, uncertainty, pain, and genuine trauma.
Some of the sequelae of these times manifest in an increase in visits to mental health providers, yoga/mindfulness studios, and dentists for treatment of cracked teeth from nocturnal teeth grinding; increased alcohol sales and overeating, to name a few.
My decades as a parent/grandparent, educator, parenting coach, and student of child development have taught me many things. One is that most life lessons are caught, not taught. As parents and teachers, as well as others who deal regularly with children understand, one of our primary desires and responsibilities is for our children and youth to feel safe. If those of us entrusted to provide such security are feeling anxious and overwhelmed by forces beyond our control, our children will sense that. As Robert Fulghum observed, “Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”
So, as noted in a previous blog, here are some things that I and others have shared with me that may help keep our anxiety at bay and keep our hearts open and exuberant as we do our best to cope with these profoundly disturbing, confusing, and whiplash days/daze:
Laugh and cry a lot
Seize opportunities to show kindness
Surround myself with big-hearted, compassionate, and optimistic people
Walk in nature
Engage less with social and news media
Listen to music and/or burst into song
Volunteer with a local , national, or even global cause to help alleviate feelings of helplessness
Pray
Read a good book alone or with your child (maybe one that some have tried to ban!)
Play with pets
Watch a great movie
Practice mindfulness.
One of the best resources I’ve come across to help kids (and adults) deal with current events is the book, What to Do When News Scares You (Magination Press/American Psychological Association) by Dr. Jacqueline Toner, a clinical psychologist. She notes that “Scary news is an inevitable part of life…Point out all the people in [your child/ren's] life who keep them safe and some of the ways they are doing so right now.”
And during these trumpestuous* times, it is good to remember these two lines from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech in 1964:
"Right temporarily defeated is stronger than evil triumphant. What self-centered men have torn down, men other-centered can build up."
* I created the word "trumpestuous" to encompass the following qualities/characteristics:
Tempestuous
Impetuous
Petulant
Trumpets blaring; and, of course...
Great uncertainties created by the current administration and advisors in the White House.
Daddying Film Fest 2026
The 5th annual Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F) welcomes film and video submissions, including TikToks and Instagram reels, from students (3rd-graders through undergraduates), Dads/Granddads, Dad figures, and indie filmmakers worldwide! Dads/Granddads, Dad figures, and students can submit videos/films for FREE on D3F's FilmFreeway page through Friday, Oct 3, 2025. Regular entry deadline is Monday, December 8.
And DC-region student and Dad singers, rappers, bands, choirs, dancers, and poetry slammers, don't forget this year's NEW Daddying Film Forum Opening Acts Contest! We're hosting a music, poetry, and dance video competition to choose opening acts that will perform live at the 4th annual Daddying Film Forum in Washington, DC, January 30-31, 2026. The contest is open to local DC, Maryland, and Virginia students, Dads/Dad figures, and Granddads across a range of musical, spoken-word, and dance performance categories. Contest entries are FREE* but must be submitted no later than October 3, 2025.
Not from the DMV? No problem! Even if you're not located in DC, MD, or VA, we'd love for you to create/submit a daddying-related music/dance video for D3F 2026 consideration, and all student and Dad/Granddad/Dad figure entries are still FREE if submitted by October 3, 2025. Students/Dads/Dad figures will still be eligible to earn Atticus Awards and prize money in their respective award categories! Check D3F's website for more details.
*NOTE to choir/dance directors, teachers, and other adults submitting videos on behalf of their students: Please submit contest videos on FilmFreeway as "student" submissions to ensure properly qualified as FREE entries.
Send us your Daddying films & videos to celebrate D3F's 5th Anniversary this January!
Allan Shedlin has devoted his life's work to improving the odds for children and families. He has three daughters, five grandchildren, and numerous "bonus" sons, daughters, and grandchildren. Trained as an educator, Allan has alternated between classroom service, school leadership, parenting coaching, policy development, and advising at the local, state, and national levels. After eight years as an elementary school principal, Allan founded and headed the National Elementary School Center. He has written about education and parenting for major news outlets and trade publications, as well as appearing on radio and TV. In 2008, he was the first male honored as a "Living Treasure" by Mothering Magazine and founded REEL Fathers. In 2010, he advised the Obama White House on fathering policy. In 2017, he founded the DADvocacy Consulting Group. In 2018, he launched the DADDY Wishes Fund and Daddy Appleseed Fund. In 2019, he co-created and began co-facilitating the Armor Down/Daddy Up! and Mommy Up! programs for veterans and their children. He has conducted daddying workshops with Native American pueblos, veterans’ groups, penitentiaries, Head Start centers, corporate boardrooms, and elementary schools. In 2022, Allan founded and directed the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F). In 2024, he was named to Who’s Who. In 2025, he was named “Father of the Year” by the Fathers & Families Coalition of America. Allan earned his elementary and high school diplomas from NYC’s Ethical Culture Schools, BA at Colgate University, MA at Columbia University’s Teachers College, and an ABD at Fordham University. He considers his D-A-D and GRAND D-A-D the most important “degrees” of all.
