A Tender Farewell to Somebody's Son and Brother
By Allan Shedlin
Grampsy and Founder, Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F)
EDITOR'S NOTE: Early Wednesday morning, Allan received a call with the sad news that his dear brother, Victor, had passed away overnight. This week's blog was intended to be a post about Allan's current roadtrip to Texas for a great-grand baby shower. In his brother's honor, we are instead republishing Allan's post from this past March, which reflected on a recent visit to New York to be with Victor during his ongoing battle with cancer.
Our hearts and deepest sympathies go out to Allan, the entire Shedlin family, and Victor's many friends who are mourning his loss. May his memory be a blessing.
Allan Shedlin Mar 10
What Floats to the Top
By Allan Shedlin
Grampsy and Founder, Daddying Film Fest & Forum (D3F)
I have been a bit of an emotional wreck over the last few weeks as my older brother struggles to cling to life as his cancer tries to claim it.
For many years, I have been told, and experienced, that during times of intense family passages like weddings, births, deaths, religious celebrations – times when extended family gather – "all the shit floats to the top." But I've also learned that during such moments of emotional density, the opposite can be true: tenderness and kindness can imbue the saddest moments with a comforting balm.
As my daughters and grandchildren learn of, or observe, my emotional vulnerability they have each stepped up in their own way(s). In my three-plus decades of working with Dads/Granddads and their offspring, I've written about and observed that when men cry and express their vulnerability, it ought to be viewed as a strength, not a weakness.
When men cry, they have not "lost it," rather, I believe they have found it. When men can show their vulnerability, they are not being "soft," they are being tender.
And during these times when toughness and bullying are being brandished with abandon, tenderness and compassion need to be exuberantly ascendant. And, as I benefit and savor the compassion and tenderness of my family – biological and chosen – I allow myself a degree of satisfaction that my lived values have been transmitted.
When men cry, they have not "lost it," rather, I believe they have found it. When men can show their vulnerability, they are not being "soft," they are being tender.
As I stood by my brother's bedside I encouraged him to share his favorite poem with me – one he learned from our maternal grandmother and often recited with her. It feels appropriate to share it here:
Somebody's Mother
by Mary Dow Brine (1816-1913)
The woman was old and ragged and gray
And bent with the chill of the Winter's day.
The street was wet with a recent snow
And the woman's feet were aged and slow.
She stood at the crossing and waited long,
Alone, uncared for, amid the throng
Of human beings who passed her by
Nor heeded the glance of her anxious eyes.
Down the street, with laughter and shout,
Glad in the freedom of "school let out,"
Came the boys like a flock of sheep,
Hailing the snow piled white and deep.
Past the woman so old and gray
Hastened the children on their way.
Nor offered a helping hand to her –
So meek, so timid, afraid to stir
Lest the carriage wheels or the horses' feet
Should crowd her down in the slippery street.
At last came one of the merry troop,
The gayest laddie of all the group;
He paused beside her and whispered low,
"I'll help you cross, if you wish to go."
Her aged hand on his strong young arm
She placed, and so, without hurt or harm,
He guided the trembling feet along,
Proud that his own were firm and strong.
Then back again to his friends he went,
His young heart happy and well content.
"She's somebody's mother, boys, you know,
For all she's aged and poor and slow,
"And I hope some fellow will lend a hand
To help my mother, you understand,
"If ever she's poor and old and gray,
When her own dear boy is far away."
And "somebody's mother" bowed low her head
In her home that night, and the prayer she said
Was "God be kind to the noble boy,
Who is somebody's son, and pride and joy!"
Submissions from 70+ countries and counting!
Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F)
The Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F) 2027 Call for Entries keeps rolling through the fall on FilmFreeway! Students (3rd grade-undergrad), Dads, Granddads, Moms, Grandmoms, dad figures, parenting podcasters, musicians, and indie filmmakers can submit films, videos, music videos, and podcast episodes through November 23, 2026!
Since 2022, we've received submissions from 70+ countries and we're excited to present another amazing collection of the best daddying stories submitted by students, Dads/dad figs, Moms, and indie filmmakers from around the world! Check the D3F website or our FilmFreeway page for submission details and to be inspired by Atticus Award-winning and finalist films from previous years!
SAVE THE DATES: The 6th annual, virtual Daddying Film Festival will take place on Eventive, January 11-20, 2027, and our LIVE Daddying Film Forum, at American University in Washington, DC, will screen select Atticus Award winners and finalists, January 29-30, 2027.
Allan Shedlin has devoted his life's work to improving the odds for children and families. He has three daughters, five grandchildren, a great grandchild on the way, and numerous "bonus" sons, daughters, and grandchildren. Trained as an educator, Allan has alternated between classroom service, school leadership, parenting coaching, policy development, and advising at the local, state, and national levels. After eight years as an elementary school principal, Allan founded and headed the National Elementary School Center. He has written about education and parenting for major news outlets and trade publications, as well as appearing on radio and TV. In 2008, he was the first male honored as a "Living Treasure" by Mothering Magazine and founded REEL Fathers. In 2010, he advised the Obama White House on Dad engagement and fatherhood policy. In 2017, he founded the DADvocacy Consulting Group. In 2018, he launched the DADDY Wishes Fund and Daddy Appleseed Fund. In 2019, he co-created and co-facilitated the Armor Down/Daddy Up! and Mommy Up! programs for veterans and their children. He has conducted daddying workshops with Native American pueblos, veterans’ groups, penitentiaries, Head Start centers, corporate boardrooms, and elementary schools. In 2022, Allan founded and directed the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F). In 2024, he was named to Who’s Who. In 2025, Allan was honored with an "Official Citation" from the Maryland State General Assembly "In Recognition for All You Do for Dads, Granddads, and Kids of All Ages." He also was named 2025 “Father of the Year” by the Fathers & Families Coalition of America. In 2026, he was honored with the Dr. Charles Augustus Ballard Pioneer Award and induction into the International Father and Family Practitioner's Network Spirit of Fatherhood Hall of Fame. Allan earned his elementary and high school diplomas from NYC’s Ethical Culture Schools, BA at Colgate University, MA at Columbia University’s Teachers College, and an ABD at Fordham University. He considers his D-A-D and GRAND D-A-D the most important “degrees” of all.
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