My Weekend with Powerful Dads Forged By Vulnerability, Brotherhood, and Resilience
- Allan Shedlin
- Sep 11
- 5 min read
By Allan Shedlin
Grampsy and Founder, Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F)
I spent last weekend with two-dozen daddy warriors from around the country, as well as from Iceland and Uganda, and I’m still savoring the privilege, experience, and the reminder of the power of vulnerability, brotherhood, and resilience.
We gathered in Chicago as guests of the Special Fathers Network, a dad-to-dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. The dads in attendance are fathers of kids with a variety of serious conditions and rare diseases, including autism, cerebral palsy, and Down syndrome. The 20 hours we spent together as a group over three days provided an opportunity for respite, reflection, and replenishment of spirit. The hours were spent in a mix of opportunities to share individual – yet common – challenges, coping techniques, valuable resources, self-care strategies, new ideas for specific policy changes, a call for greater sensitivity to the needs of special needs families, and the joys of small, but significant, victories.
There was more laughter than tears. Many came as strangers and left as brothers.
On a personal level, I was reminded of the dire prognosis I received at the birth of my first daughter. After a very difficult and extended delivery while the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck cutting off oxygen flow to her brain causing her to stop breathing four times in the first five hours of her life, she stayed in the NICU. Ten days later, she was discharged with a prediction from the attending neurologist that she was so severely "damaged" that she would be "uneducable."
That's rough news for a young new mom and dad.
And having just earned a joint MA in special and elementary education, I was very aware of the potential challenges ahead for infant, daddy, and mommy. Fast-forward 30 years and that first-born daughter earned her MA in bilingual education and recently retired after a 25-year career as a uniquely sensitive elementary school teacher.
In addition to my experiences as a dad whose child had special needs – albeit much less severe than all the other warrior dads in attendance – I was invited to screen a short film recently named an Official Selection for our 5th annual Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F), titled The Dog, by Israeli filmmaker Omri Levy. The film is about an autistic boy and the real challenges his dad faces. The use of film/video to effectively trigger in-depth discussions about feelings is an outgrowth of what we continue to learn while pursuing our D3F mission, and the reason we are now regularly invited to curate D3F films focused on the importance of fathers, in their presence and absence, to share at other conferences, retreats, and meetings around the country.
I have written before about my conviction that the ability to cry is a daddying strength. And now I write about the power of vulnerability. The "special fathers" who came together learned that expressing their vulnerability was not only cathartic but was a significant contributor to the development of the resilience and compassion they need to daddy-on.
As I listened to a few dads who mentioned this was the first time in two decades (!) they had an opportunity to be away from the daily 24-hour challenges of dealing with the needs of their severely disabled child, I was reminded of a quote I heard many years ago:
"I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet."
* * *
I've written before noting that daddying does not take place in a vacuum. It takes place in a social context called family, which in turn takes place in a broader social context called society. So, it did not escape my notice that we left Chicago a day before the federal government began an ICE crackdown and only days after the same federal government canceled more than $30 million special education grants to help educators better serve students with disabilities.
Once again, these special dads – warriors – must call upon their own resilience and resources to sufficiently care for their families. Thankfully, their brotherhood will be one of those resources to help buoy them during the challenges that await.
If you or someone you know is a dad of a special needs child and looking for additional support, please consider reaching out to 21st Century Dads/Special Fathers Network through its website or call 1-800-996-DADS (3237).
Daddy on.
Daddying Film Fest 2026
The 5th annual Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F) welcomes film and video submissions, including TikToks and Instagram reels, from students (3rd-graders through undergraduates), Dads/Granddads, Dad figures, and indie filmmakers worldwide! Dads/Granddads, Dad figures, and students can submit videos/films for FREE on D3F's FilmFreeway page through Friday, Oct 3, 2025. Regular entry deadline is Monday, December 8.
And DC-region student and Dad singers, rappers, bands, choirs, dancers, and poetry slammers, don't forget this year's NEW Daddying Film Forum Opening Acts Contest! We're hosting a music, poetry, and dance video competition to choose opening acts that will perform live at the 4th annual Daddying Film Forum in Washington, DC, January 30-31, 2026. The contest is open to local DC, Maryland, and Virginia students, Dads/Dad figures, and Granddads across a range of musical, spoken-word, and dance performance categories. Contest entries are FREE* but must be submitted no later than October 3, 2025.
Not from the DMV? No problem! Even if you're not located in DC, MD, or VA, we'd love for you to create/submit a daddying-related music/dance video for D3F 2026 consideration, and all student and Dad/Granddad/Dad figure entries are still FREE if submitted by October 3, 2025. Students/Dads/Dad figures will still be eligible to earn Atticus Awards and prize money in their respective award categories! Check D3F's website for more details.
*NOTE to choir/dance directors, teachers, and other adults submitting videos on behalf of their students: Please submit contest videos on FilmFreeway as "student" submissions to ensure properly qualified as FREE entries.
Allan Shedlin has devoted his life's work to improving the odds for children and families. He has three daughters, five grandchildren, and numerous "bonus" sons, daughters, and grandchildren. Trained as an educator, Allan has alternated between classroom service, school leadership, parenting coaching, policy development, and advising at the local, state, and national levels. After eight years as an elementary school principal, Allan founded and headed the National Elementary School Center. He has written about education and parenting for major news outlets and trade publications, as well as appearing on radio and TV. In 2008, he was the first male honored as a "Living Treasure" by Mothering Magazine and founded REEL Fathers. In 2010, he advised the Obama White House on fathering policy. In 2017, he founded the DADvocacy Consulting Group. In 2018, he launched the DADDY Wishes Fund and Daddy Appleseed Fund. In 2019, he co-created and began co-facilitating the Armor Down/Daddy Up! and Mommy Up! programs for veterans and their children. He has conducted daddying workshops with Native American pueblos, veterans’ groups, penitentiaries, Head Start centers, corporate boardrooms, and elementary schools. In 2022, Allan founded and directed the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F). In 2024, he was named to Who’s Who. In 2025, Allan was honored with an "Official Citation" from the Maryland State General Assembly "In Recognition for All You Do for Dads, Granddads, and Kids of All Ages." He also was named 2025 “Father of the Year” by the Fathers & Families Coalition of America. Allan earned his elementary and high school diplomas from NYC’s Ethical Culture Schools, BA at Colgate University, MA at Columbia University’s Teachers College, and an ABD at Fordham University. He considers his D-A-D and GRAND D-A-D the most important “degrees” of all.
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