One Song, One Quote, and the Seven at Cornell
By Allan Shedlin
Grampsy and Founder, Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F)
In April 1949, my mother took me to my first Broadway musical to celebrate my eighth birthday. The show was South Pacific, starring Mary Martin and Ezio Pinza. It played at the Majestic Theater.
In case you haven't seen it, the story of South Pacific follows the lives of U.S. military men, nurses, and residents of a Polynesian island during World War II, and is based on James Michener's Tales of the South Pacific. The show features a score by Rodgers and Hammerstein. I still remember many of the songs (and have been known to belt out a few to those unfortunate to be in proximity).
During these increasingly intolerant times, one song from South Pacific keeps coming to mind, "You Have to Be Carefully Taught." Although the focus of the song is on how we learn intolerance, the idea that children are born tolerant, broadly accepting, and knowing what's right and wrong, has been something I’ve observed firsthand during a long career as an elementary educator, a parent, and grandparent.
All of this feels relevant as I struggle to process what happened to Jane Doe at Cornell in 2024 and its revitalized investigation. I don’t believe that any of the male perpetrators were born thinking it was okay for females to be objectified, taken advantage of, and assaulted.
"You have to be carefully taught."
I also think about advice offered by Robert Fulghum in his book, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten (1988): "Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you."
And, as a former and long-ago fraternity president, I have observed how "mob behavior" can influence "ordinary" individuals to commit acts they would never consider alone. And how alcohol and other drugs can contribute to people shedding individual judgment in favor of collective impulse.
I am pleased that the horrendous acts at Cornell are commanding so much attention and such an outcry. But this will only be significant if it leads to changes in the way we behave toward each other.
An "erasure poem" from American poet and activist Amanda Gorman, posted to her social media, 9/28/26
As a grandparent, I'm as concerned for my two grandsons as I am for my three granddaughters. And my concern is amplified while we live during a time when a social media posting for "free pussy" on a college campus echoes comments by a former Presidential candidate, who was shown on national television, on videotape, referring to how he views and abuses women, saying: "You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy…”
And just a month later, that person was somehow elected President.
And so, as we use this moment to think about what each of us can do as individuals and as parents during these times gone awry, I’m eager to share the following call to action from a fellow daddy, D3F Circle of Friends member The Dads Initiative's director, and last week's Daddying blog guest writer, Adam Ukman:
An Open Letter from Dads on the Cornell Seven
I'm writing today not just as the director of The Dads Initiative, but as a Dad.
If you’ve seen the news about the Cornell Seven case, I’m sure you’re as horrified as I am.
If you’re not familiar: a young woman alleged she was drugged and sexually assaulted by seven fraternity members at a party on Cornell's campus. The story is unbearably awful. Even worse, though the assault was reported in 2024, no charges have yet been brought in the case. You can read more about the case here.
As a Dad raising a young son, I can’t help but think about how we, as a society, are failing. It’s on us, as Dads, to speak up, to model a better manhood, and to demand more.
That's why we’ve written an Open Letter from Dads on the Cornell Seven. We're inviting all Dads to add their name and to share it.
I'm so grateful to be in this work with you. At a moment like this, it's important that we all make our voices heard.
If you're a Dad, I hope you'll sign on. If you know a Dad, I hope you'll share this with them.
Thank you,
Adam
Director, The Dads Initiative
* * *
If you are able and would like to support an organization that provides resources and advocates for survivors of sexual violence and abuse, please consider a donation to your local women's shelter or one of these national groups:
RAINN - The nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization and operator of the National Sexual Assault Hotline, which offers free, confidential, 24/7 support in English and en Español:
Call 800.656.HOPE (4673)
Chat at RAINN.org/hotline
Text “HOPE” to 64673
End Rape On Campus - EROC works to end campus sexual violence through direct support for survivors and their communities; prevention through education; and policy reform at the campus, local, state, and federal levels. Among many other survivor resources, EROC's website includes a Campus Accountability Tool + Map that provides the ability to view in-depth information on each institution’s sexual assault investigation policies, prevention efforts, and available survivor support resources; as well as high-level statistics on definitions, trainings, sanctions, and investigations.
National Alliance to End Sexual Violence - NAESV is the voice in Washington for the 56 state and territorial sexual assault coalitions and 1000 rape crisis centers working to end sexual violence and support victims.
Submissions from 70 countries and counting!
Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F)
The Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F) 2027 Call for Entries keeps rolling through the fall on FilmFreeway! Students (3rd grade-undergrad), Dads, Granddads, Moms, Grandmoms, dad figures, Parenting Podcasters, Musicians, and indie filmmakers can submit films, videos, and podcast episodes through November 23, 2026!
Since 2022, we've received submissions from 70+ countries and we're excited to present another amazing collection of the best daddying stories submitted by students, Dads/dad figs, Moms, podcasters, and indie filmmakers from around the world! Check the D3F website or our FilmFreeway page for submission details and to be inspired by Atticus Award-winning and finalist films from previous years!
SAVE THE DATES: The 6th annual, virtual Daddying Film Festival will take place on Eventive, January 11-20, 2027, and our LIVE Daddying Film Forum, at American University in Washington, DC, will screen select Atticus Award winners and finalists, January 29-30, 2027.
Allan Shedlin has devoted his life's work to improving the odds for children and families. He has three daughters, five grandchildren, a great grandchild on the way, and numerous "bonus" sons, daughters, and grandchildren. Trained as an educator, Allan has alternated between classroom service, school leadership, parenting coaching, policy development, and advising at the local, state, and national levels. After eight years as an elementary school principal, Allan founded and headed the National Elementary School Center. He has written about education and parenting for major news outlets and trade publications, as well as appearing on radio and TV. In 2008, he was the first male honored as a "Living Treasure" by Mothering Magazine and founded REEL Fathers. In 2010, he advised the Obama White House on Dad engagement and fatherhood policy. In 2017, he founded the DADvocacy Consulting Group. In 2018, he launched the DADDY Wishes Fund and Daddy Appleseed Fund. In 2019, he co-created and co-facilitated the Armor Down/Daddy Up! and Mommy Up! programs for veterans and their children. He has conducted daddying workshops with Native American pueblos, veterans’ groups, penitentiaries, Head Start centers, corporate boardrooms, and elementary schools. In 2022, Allan founded and directed the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F). In 2024, he was named to Who’s Who. In 2025, Allan was honored with an "Official Citation" from the Maryland State General Assembly "In Recognition for All You Do for Dads, Granddads, and Kids of All Ages." He also was named 2025 “Father of the Year” by the Fathers & Families Coalition of America. In 2026, he was honored with the Dr. Charles Augustus Ballard Pioneer Award and induction into the International Father and Family Practitioner's Network Spirit of Fatherhood Hall of Fame. Allan earned his elementary and high school diplomas from NYC’s Ethical Culture Schools, BA at Colgate University, MA at Columbia University’s Teachers College, and an ABD at Fordham University. He considers his D-A-D and GRAND D-A-D the most important “degrees” of all.
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