What the Heck is Neotenic Daddying?
- Allan Shedlin
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
Updated: 55 minutes ago
By Allan Shedlin
Grampsy, Mouseketeer from way back, and Founder, Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F)
Mickey Mouse turned 97 this week. I'm thankful to the Disney artists who, in their attempt to make him more attractive, have made him appear progressively younger over the years. They recognized that most of us find infants more physically appealing than adults and the same can be said for kittens, puppies, chimps, and many others.
Back in November 1978, on Mickey Mouse's 50th birthday, I read an article by Stephen J. Gould in Natural History magazine that described how the Disney artists accomplished this. It was the first time I came across the word "neoteny," coined by a Swiss zoologist in 1884. Although originally it was used only to describe physical characteristics, it was later used by Konrad Lorenz, Ashley Montagu, and Gould to describe the retention of childlike qualities into adult life for improvement of the species.
They noted that the very qualities often associated with childhood – the ones that keep us young in spirit and attitude – usually fade, if not totally disappear as we get older. They noted such qualities as playfulness, flexibility, curiosity, energy, enthusiasm, trust, sense of wonder/awe, demonstrating affection, willingness to ask questions and make mistakes, and remain in a state of development.
Many of these qualities reminded me of those described as the most desired daddying qualities by children and youth in the 28 focus groups I conducted in three countries, when I asked them to list the qualities they would include if they could create "the most excellent dad they could imagine."
While conducting a series of workshops with military veterans and their children, they were each provided with a similar list of qualities they wanted Dads to manifest. The kids and Dads agreed on all but one:
The kids wanted their Dads to be silly and more playful.
It did not surprise me that none of the Dads – almost all suffering from a form of PTSD – cited this quality. By the way, from that point forward, we began subsequent sessions with each Dad required to tell a Dad joke or riddle.
During these unusually stressful times when "unprecedented" and "breaking news" seem to be our watch words, don't you agree that asking childlike questions might be constructive? We might begin with something like, "What the heck is going on?!" or "Hey, heard any good dad jokes or riddles lately?"
Oh, and if you're reading this on Thursday, November 20, 2025, happy World Children's Day! Daddy on.
Daddying Film Festival & FORUM 2026
Fifty-Seven countries and counting! The 5th annual Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F) welcomes film and video submissions, including TikToks and Instagram reels, from students (3rd-graders through undergrads), Dads/Granddads, dad figures, and indie filmmakers worldwide! Submit videos/films on D3F's FilmFreeway page through Monday, December 8. Our next discount Raven deadline is THIS Friday, November 14th! Send us your daddying films/videos and help us celebrate the importance of positively involved Dads/dad figures!
We're rolling out D3F 2026 Official Selection announcements – YOUR film/video could be next!
Allan Shedlin has devoted his life's work to improving the odds for children and families. He has three daughters, five grandchildren, and numerous "bonus" sons, daughters, and grandchildren. Trained as an educator, Allan has alternated between classroom service, school leadership, parenting coaching, policy development, and advising at the local, state, and national levels. After eight years as an elementary school principal, Allan founded and headed the National Elementary School Center. He has written about education and parenting for major news outlets and trade publications, as well as appearing on radio and TV. In 2008, he was the first male honored as a "Living Treasure" by Mothering Magazine and founded REEL Fathers. In 2010, he advised the Obama White House on Dad engagement and fatherhood policy. In 2017, he founded the DADvocacy Consulting Group. In 2018, he launched the DADDY Wishes Fund and Daddy Appleseed Fund. In 2019, he co-created and co-facilitated the Armor Down/Daddy Up! and Mommy Up! programs for veterans and their children. He has conducted daddying workshops with Native American pueblos, veterans’ groups, penitentiaries, Head Start centers, corporate boardrooms, and elementary schools. In 2022, Allan founded and directed the Daddying Film Festival & Forum (D3F). In 2024, he was named to Who’s Who. In 2025, Allan was honored with an "Official Citation" from the Maryland State General Assembly "In Recognition for All You Do for Dads, Granddads, and Kids of All Ages." He also was named 2025 “Father of the Year” by the Fathers & Families Coalition of America. Allan earned his elementary and high school diplomas from NYC’s Ethical Culture Schools, BA at Colgate University, MA at Columbia University’s Teachers College, and an ABD at Fordham University. He considers his D-A-D and GRAND D-A-D the most important “degrees” of all.
